Has Your Purpose Been Hijacked or Expanded?

October, 2013

The attack: Last month I was hit with the greatest challenge I’ve faced in a long time, or maybe even ever. My world was turned upside down. Imagine that the people that matter most to you are under attack… on several fronts. That’s where I’ve been the past 2 months. It was very difficult to stay balanced in the midst of it all. When I returned from Quebec I learned that my older sister was in the hospital with stage four cancer. Two weeks later my father was diagnosed with stage three cancer. For learning purposes, insert your own personal challenges in this reading.

Right away there was a bombardment of despairing information, and the bombs fell daily. Later in the first week I listened to experts suggest remedies for my octogenarian father and my sister, most of which would cause more damage than what already exists. It was kind of like those pharmaceutical commercials that advertise medication for a small problem but then list side effects that include thoughts of suicide or that taking this drug can be fatal. All you really want is you arthritis pain to go away. They really didn’t seem to fully consider the bigger picture of what’s involved.

My reminder: Admittedly it took awhile to get past the shock. But on day one of this extraordinary adventure I noticed my spiritual intelligence coming to the forefront. In case you didn’t know, we all have a spiritual intelligence. It’s another way of knowing in addition to the traditional ways we commonly use. Mine increased as I studied the Bible and the many lessons in each book with each character and could see analogies in my own life.

Within minutes of getting the toughest news I’d never hoped to hear, a woman came over to me. I hadn’t seen Angie in 15 years, but here she was with both parents, two sisters and a niece. As she introduced me to them all she told them how strong I was. This is not anything I’d expected to hear from someone I’d known in the workplace but never actually worked with. But she was there to remind me of what I could do, what I could endure, of the power within me. Her sister said a prayer that I’d be able to see and know that day that God was with me. It dawned on me that that family was exactly the indication that God was with me. Their love and support, the way that they just showed up was that confirmation. God shows up just like that in the midst of turmoil.

The bigger picture of the attack: In time I looked at a week-by-week account of what was happening, particularly all the stressful encounters I had. Week one was the shocker. Week two brought even more devastating news. Week three was truly a physical marathon. My own body began to react. Two stress related ailments appeared. Mentally, my short term memory evaporated. I couldn’t recall if I had eaten or what I had eaten. Socially, I had isolated from folks because I had hunkered down to work with my family members. Emotionally, there was an initial wave of fear, then I considered what aspects of this I might be able to control. You could also insert manipulate here. Tomāto, tomäto, you choose. Finally it was my spiritual self that I began to pay attention to.

Letting go: I let go of the situation and opened myself up to what was unfolding. On week four I was able to pause, catch my breath and refuse to take in any more external noise. All of it had me running at full tilt. I knew the situation and what the challenges were, so I chose to put the brakes on everything to just be still. I thought about the 40 day cycles of trials and transformation that appear over and over in the Bible: Moses on the mountain (twice), Noah’s ark journey, Ezekiel’s demonstration for Judah, Jonah ‘s work with Nineveh, Christ on the mountain and after his resurrection. If you don’t know these, don’t take my word for it. Break out a Bible and take a look. There are wondrous things there. Like those events, we will not know the outcome while in the middle of the journey. Unfortunately, unlike those events this was not going to be a 40 day experience. This would be a long trek.

The “Aha!!”: As I quieted myself it was several more days before I began looking at things through a completely different lens and had a déjà vu moment. I had been here before. I had been in the midst of doing something huge in my life and was broadsided with an extreme distraction. The bottom line was that in spite of anything that I could do or think of, I truly could not control this situation in the least. I could participate at some level and serve where I could, but the people near me had to endure their trials individually; they were not mine to walk. I had gotten carried away from my path and my purpose! So the question became what is REALLY going on? What do I need to see here?

Allies will show up: There was lots that absolutely needed to be done. And I was the one in position to do a lot of the heavy lifting, but that can only last so long. An amazing plan was pulled together with other family members traveling here to lend a hand. All of my brothers rotated in and out of town to transport my father to treatment for a week, or helped with household maintenance. Generation X grandchildren rearranged work schedules and traveled hundreds of miles to step in. People have shown up to help with huge tasks, moving in and out in a nice flow. When I had to begin working with my parents’ financial matters, the “angels” showed up at his bank. A teller at one institution went to school with my younger sister. The manager at another bank went to high school with my niece. My sister knew a teller at this bank as the mom of a child at the school my younger sister works. I dismissed doctors that were not a good fit and met a chemo specialist that crafted a regimen that would not deplete my father’s cells and energy. He never needed a wheelchair. All of this was unexpected and very welcome. I have been able to breathe, and get a bit of rest. Do I now get back on my path, back to the work I am focused on, or accept that this huge interruption is additional calling to use myself differently?

Walking with confidence not knowing the end: Obviously this was a test of faith for all involved, but this trek was one that my loved ones would have to make. I could be a support person, which was my responsibility, and it was also my calling in this moment. While I was pausing to be still, I asked myself not only what am I supposed to be doing here in this moment, but how am I supposed to be? What I do know is that from past experiences when I am in sync with the flow of what’s unfolding, things turn out well. I only need to let go of the perception that I’m in control, feel the flow and move with it. Not with agitation, fear or frustration but with ease. So perhaps pausing my initial work to serve and support two family members’ crises as an expansion of my calling. I cannot be one dimensional.

Day-to-day, encourage yourself: Without a doubt this is a delicate balancing act, but it got better. I began to feel less fragmented. Granted, I do have a new norm for my stress tolerance level. But once my perception shifted I felt lighter. I came out of “disaster recovery” mode. The rug was pulled from beneath me but I began getting myself back together. I know who I am at my best and in the end, circumstances will not alter that.

You’ll find your way back: Take this into account: a distraction only draws your attention because it is something of interest to you. If it wasn’t, you would not get off track. I put the focus on my new work which was the immediate crisis. Certainly the struggles that the people around me are enduring are very important, and here was a huge lesson in how any of us can allow our minds to be divided and miss the thing we should be paying attention to most: our life’s purpose in the moment. Sometimes life crises will enhance the life purpose. It may not be an emergency situation distracting you.

Perhaps you’ve chosen the path of doing what’s easy but not fulfilling. We each have a purpose here. When we are serving it we are operating at our peak levels. If we get lost along the way, distracted by life we come up short in our life’s purpose. We find we’re out of sync, not feeling fulfilled and are not living a fulfilling life. Our lives are not as rich as they would be if we stayed on our path. Everyone misses out on what we could and should be bringing to the table when we live small. And the noise continues to hammer our ears and shine blinding lights in front of us.

Do you feel like you are being distracted from your purpose? Whether it’s in parenting, taking the initiative at work to be different, or stepping out into something totally new, is there something that are you supposed to be doing but have laid aside? You may have to pause your life’s work for a moment. You may get challenged, and you may have to make some tough choices to get back on track. Still there is a way to move through your test. Notice the steps outlined here. And as always, pause and be still; listen to what comes.

Keywords: Creating positive work cultures; Eradicating ethical blind spots; Innovation; Productivity; Self-awareness; Success; Teams connecting; Transforming.